After so long away from writing, getting back on the horse is harder than I imagined. I mean, even in my non-writing state, I was writing. Just little bits here and there that I would abandon. Thoughts and ideas scribbled in my old worn moleskin with its bright red cover and elastic so used it has little give left in it. I even picked up a new one. This one’s black, but I kind of miss the bright red, its easier to find on my cluttered desk.
But as I sat at my desk with the full intention of writing or finishing one of the many projects inside dozens of folders, I couldn’t decide on a single one. Should I write the sequel everyone wants? There’s a few versions of it, but none I like. There’s this almost finished WIP that just needs a few plot tweaks to complete, but significant enough to make me wince. And what about this other story that about half done? Or that other very old WIP that I love so much but just don’t know what should be done with it? So many decisions. Decisions I used to make on the fly and just run with, now I’m spending countless hours picking at four separate WIPs which means nothing will ever get done.
As I thought back on it, during my most active writing modes, I wrote, not what I thought needed to be written, but what I wanted to write. Finding what I wanted to write was hard. Stress dulls the imagination, everything sounds worn and reused, nothing seems bright and shiny anymore. I had to remember to laugh. Had to remember that mistakes are a given, and can always be fixed. I had to remember that I write because I LIKE it.
No, let me correct myself. I write because I love it. I love stories. I love characters. I love building worlds and showing people what interesting place they can go if they just follow a few words on a page. This is what I love doing. If I didn’t love it, I would have given up. The pay sucks, the hours are horrid, and the mental exhaustion wears at you, BUT I do what I love and not many people can say that.
So, here’s to getting back on the horse and reminding myself, I’m not perfect, I can make mistakes, I can fix them and polish them until they’re pretty, and that I really love what I do. Its time for me to write what I love. So that’s what I’m doing.